Broken Hearted

I am absolutely broken hearted. I have not cried this much in a very long time. Tonight I found out Danielle our 2nd child had her baby, which she gave up for adoption. Loren and I are adopting her three children and now this baby went to a new home. I'm so sad. I do not know where to write about it or put my feelings down, so I figured here is as good as anywhere.. I wish my heart wasn't hurting so badly, but it is, this hit me so much harder than I ever expect. Danielle's choices in the last 2-3 years have not been good choices. She picks all the wrong people to attach herself to and then wonders why her life is not ideal. Tonight Saundra my daughter in law text me, she told me about the baby, he weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and was 19 inches long. my daughter in law said he had a full head of dark hair. She said that he was doing well and she said that Danielle wanted me there, she just wanted her mommy. That broke my heart in two. I'm so so sad, I have not talked to Danielle in 2 years, it has been such a difficult thing for me. I can't even begin to express how her choices have hurt so many people. I wish she would just put her life in order so that she can find peace and be happy. Tonight I think that the accumulation of the last two years has hit me like a ton of bricks. I know that this can't be easy for Danielle. Saundra said that Danielle had the baby, after he was cleaned up and everything was good, she held him for an hour and then called the adoptive parents in and turned him over to them. She already after 1 hour gave him up...as a mother I can not imagine that at all, but as her mother I just wish I could have been there to help her through this, but sadly that was not the case. I'm giving myself tonight to fall apart, and tomorrow I'm going to pick myself up and be strong for these sweet kids we have! They are adorable, but tonight while they sleep, I'm going to grieve for the brother that they will never know and the mother that they lost. I'm having a very difficult time.